Glimpses of God

Oh man... I waited too long to write again.

But, what's cool about this is that all of these stories will lead me to the newest thing God has taught me.

So. I'll start with my weekend in Anstirabe. I went to teach a dance conference there with Sandrina. It was an interesting start when I got lost taking the bus by myself into Tana, but luckily God sent a really nice Malagasy man who spoke English to stand with me in a really bad part of town until Sandrina could get there. The four hour bus ride to Anstirabe was also quite interesting, but was actually pretty fun! Once we were there was when that weekend turned into the best ever.

The people that I met were the most thankful and giving people I've ever been able to befriend. The family we stayed with were extremely generous, cooking spaghetti for me the first night, because they knew I was American, and then cooking me a huge Malagasy meal the next day because I'd mentioned how much I would enjoy one. They made sure we had every possible comfort and as we were trying to convey how thankful we were to them they were thanking us just for being there.

It was blowing my mind the entire time.
Here they were, giving everything they had to make us feel at home and they were thanking us.
And what had I really done? An hour or two of preparation and then a day and a half of teaching?

The people who came to the conference were just as amazing and sincere. They were so grateful even just for the few hours that we were able to have with them. Even though I couldn't say much to them because I still have a lot of Malagasy to learn, I felt so close to them it was like we had been friends for a long time. The entire weekend was FULL of joy and thankfulness. I can't explain the peace and happiness I felt being there. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything.

The next weekend. I hit a wall. I didn't have a whole lot of time to regroup and rest and, being tired, I wasn't in the thankful and giving mindset that I had been the first weekend. Although it also had its very good moments with me getting to know some of the dancers in Sandrina's dance class, it wasn't what it should have been because I wasn't fully there. It was like I was in a fog the entire time and even though I knew that I would regret it later, I didn't know how to change it. I prayed for help, but I couldn't break past how tired I was.

My prediction was correct and after the weekend was over, I knew I had wasted an opportunity to see what that God had planned for me. I struggled after this, wondering if it was because I hadn't allowed myself to rest or because I hadn't done enough to be fully present. I started feeling restless again and although I was reading my Bible and praying, I still felt far from God and far from the joy that I had felt before.

Then, one day before I left the flat I was praying and I asked again for God to help me to find joy in the things that I would encounter and do that day.
God heard my prayer that morning and he opened my eyes.

All of a sudden I could see the little gifts, the little glimpses of Him that He gave me everyday but I didn't notice before. The rustling of the wind through the trees, the laugh of a child, a smile from a stranger. And I felt that unexplainable joy again. It may seem silly, but these gifts were suddenly very clear and very special to me.

When I got home I remembered a book that I had started reading a few weeks ago but hadn't picked up in awhile. I began reading and, again, God totally blew my mind. He completely knocked my socks off. This book was all about learning to be thankful and how through thankfulness we become whole and we are saved and we see God for who He really is. We can live fully through thankfulness. We can be content. In the book, the author writes a list of gifts that God gives her everyday.

As a few more days went by I noticed more and more the things that God gave me everyday that I took for granted. A surprise morning off to get groceries, an invite to dinner when I didn't know what I was going to cook...

I decided I wanted to make my own list, and then I emailed Keagan and we both decided to email our lists to each other every day. God's showed me that through being thankful I can see Him working in my life and in others' lives. He can give me joy even in the worst of circumstances. God showed me what I was missing.

A thankful heart.

Something I had prayed for but didn't know how to achieve. This list may not be the "cure-all" for an ungrateful heart, but God's showed me that it's great practice and training for obtaining a more thankful one. So God taught another big lesson in the last month, and just in time for the new year :) If you need a resolution, this might be a good one pick up.

Prayer Requests :)

• Safe travels and a good transition for one of my roommates, Min Jung, as she moves back to Korea next week! We'll miss her.
• Safe travels for the Schaffler family, who I'll be working with in Toliar, as they come back to Madagascar after their home leave
• That God would prepare me for the transition coming up in March and for the work I'll be doing there

p.s. the book I'm reading is [One Thousand Gifts] by Ann Voskamp

speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Ephesians 5:19-21

Worlds Apart

Wow.

I think maybe I waited a little too long to blog this time. I have so much to talk about.

I think the last couple weeks I've really began to realize one of the biggest frustrations as a missionary. How do I help all the people that need it? There are so many needs and so many people who are desperately trying to stay alive. There are people here who wake up every day and have no idea where their food will come from or if they will even get any food that day. Even more people have severe medical problems that need treatment and need a hospital urgently but can't get it because they can't afford it.

There's a group of children from around where I live that sometimes walk with me to my flat and I don't know what their situation is, but one in particular never has shoes on and all of them have rags for clothes. The first time they walked all the way back with me my heart broke for them and I wanted to take them into the flat with me and tell them they could sleep on our couches. But the reality is that as an individual I could help a few of them, but I could never help all of the children here that are in need.

So how do we look at these needs everyday, these desperate people, and not feel compelled to fix it? Better question, how in the world do we fix it?

My flat mate Sara and I have been talking through this question for awhile because one of the most frustrating things we've found is feeling helpless when seeing all the immediate needs. We felt overwhelmed and confused about the best thing to do. We wondered how it could be possible that here in this country, in this world, people are dying in the streets everyday, they're sick and can't get treatment, they're hungry and can't get food and nobody knows. At the same time people in our countries are getting a Starbucks, complaining that their steak is overcooked, some people are taking a trip on their private yacht when people here would do anything for a clean glass of water or some crackers.

This, of course, surfaced a new question: How do we go back to our lives after our mission experience is over? Do we just go back to our jobs and to getting our usual Pumpkin Spice latte in the morning? (I love Pumpkin Spice lattes) Do we need to feel bad for having cars and food and laptops? Do we need to feel bad for liking our wifi and hot showers and trips to restaurants?

So, this was obviously a long conversation filled with all kinds of different ideas, but I think we finally came to a bit of a breakthrough. In reality, we live in a fallen world that will always have problems too big for us to handle. This huge issue can only be solved by God. It's too big for man and so we need to be in prayer for God's guidance and direction in these situations. One of the best things that we can offer all of these people is the love of Christ and gift that he's given. The best thing about his gift is that it's free, it's completely free and it's for anyone no matter what they've done in the past. That gift means these people putting their lives in his hands and trusting in him to provide for them and to be with them through anything. It also gives them a hope that this life is not all there is; it is not permanent. There is something much better waiting for them once this life is done and they will be the ones truly blessed there.

Not only that but the poor in our world will have a deeper and closer relationship to God than we will ever be able to. They have to completely rely on him and they are the perfect picture of his grace. Of course, I'm not saying this clears us of the responsibility to give and try to help these people. I still think it's important to help local organizations who can then help the people there. The best thing about local programs is that they know who really needs help and they often have programs that provide food and other basic resources but with the ultimate goal of teaching the people to use their skills to become self-sufficient. More about this in the book, When Helping Hurts. Check it out, it's a great read. I'm getting off track...

Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that it's easy for us to become humanistic and think that we somehow have to solve everything ourselves. Instead of becoming overwhelmed and discouraged by the amount of needs, we should be giving those problems to God and focus on sharing his love and his gift of Jesus with those people.

Phew. Hopefully you stayed with me through that whole thing. I was also going to talk about my last two weekends, which have been crazy experiences in this post, but I think it's long enough already. I'll post again maybe at the end of this week and talk about that (also add in some pictures). Here's a sneak peak:

One of these past two weekends was spent in Antsirabe teaching a dance seminar, which was a truly amazing experience and the pictures are from that. If you have Facebook you've already seen them but for those of you who aren't on the book of faces, these are for your enjoyment and hopefully I will post more later. 

We've been getting slightly better sleep so thank you for those prayers and keep 'em coming :) we really like sleep. I haven't heard about the two boys lately, but hopefully I can get an update soon and let you know. 

One prayer request for this week: Provision for the people here and opportunities for them to come to know Christ.

We urge you brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. 1 Thessalonians 5:14

Restless

Restlessness...

That's been the theme of my past week. Maybe it was because I was hitting the end of my first month, maybe it was because I could see how far I'd come but I was overwhelmed by how far I had yet to go, maybe it was because I was getting used to my schedule and things from home were entering my thoughts more and more.

I didn't know what it had been, but for some reason I couldn't be at peace, no matter what I was doing. If I was reading a book I thought I wanted to be cooking something, but when I started cooking I wasn't happy there either. I would eat something and it didn't satisfy me. I was hungry, but I was full. I was tired, but I couldn't sleep. I read my Bible and I prayed, but other thoughts entered my mind and I couldn't stay focused. I felt far away and alone. 

Restless.

Yesterday I finally had enough.
I sat down with my Bible, determined. 
I was not going to be distracted because God was going to help me.  
God was going to make me understand that He is the only one who can make me feel at peace.

I sat down on my couch and quietly prayed "God, I want to be close to you, I want to rely on you for everything, and I want to be filled up by you during this time, but I can't do it by myself. I'm giving this time to you"

I just sat there for a few minutes, just in silence with my Bible in my lap. And I felt this unexplainable peace. I was at peace. I was at rest. I read my Bible and I understood the lessons he was teaching me from it. I prayed and I felt that he was listening, that I was finally getting through and thoughts weren't getting in the way.

I was being fed lies these last two weeks. 
"Read a book, it will make you feel better."
"You just feel empty because you need to eat something."
"If you just watch a movie, it'll make you feel happier."
"Don't pray and read your Bible, it's not making a difference anyway."

Lies.

Lies that were used to keep me from the very thing I needed. 

God.

Lies I've been told time and time again, and still believe. I still fall into their trap. 
This morning I woke up with the same feeling of restlessness.
I miss home, I miss Keagan, I miss my family.

The lies fall in again...
"If only you were with them, they would make you feel better."
"If only you had all the things here that you had back home, then life would be perfect."

But this time, I'm not falling into their trap. I'm not listening to them because God taught me something he's taught me before, but I forget all the time.

None of these things are going to make me feel fulfilled, make me truly happy, or make my life perfect.

God. God is the only one who can do these things.

So, instead of reading a book, eating something, watching a movie, listening to music, playing a game, sitting and wishing things are a different way.

I am going to pray for help and read my Bible. 
I'm not going to use my own strength to try and understand what God wants to teach me, I'm going to fully rely on him.
I am going to be still, and quiet before the Lord and listen to what he wants me to hear.
I am going to trust that God will provide me peace and not let disbelief get in the way.

And I'm going to realize that this is not a one time battle. This is a daily and sometimes hourly fight to blot out the lies and stay focused on God. 

God is not a one-time, fix-all deal. I need God everyday, for every breath I take. It's imperative to remember this so that time isn't wasted trying to fill myself up with worldly things. 

:) God is the great comforter and the great provider.

Prayer request 1: Two boys near where we live... one has skin cancer and the doctors have said he doesn't have long to live. That God would give him and his family peace, and be with them during this time. The other is sick, and his mother doesn't care for him because he has a different dad than the one living with them now. The neighborhood has been feeding him and finally got medical care for him last week, but I don't know how he's doing. That he would feel the love of Christ, because his family doesn't show him any. That God would continue to provide for him, through neighbors or friends.

Prayer request 2: Restful sleep for the missionaries here. A lot of us seem to be having trouble getting a good night's sleep.

Prayer request 3: That I would be at peace through God and relying on him fully for everyday.

My prayer request for my bank to be opened and funds to be available was answered last week! Thank you all for your prayers, I hope you have a blessed week!

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11

Just a spoonful of sugar...

I just want you all to know...

One of my arms is really tan and the other is really not. I don't know why I find that so amusing... it's the little things in life.

Also.

I was walking the other day and I saw my first piece of roadkill in Madagascar and it was a smashed chamillion! It literally made my day ... again ... the little things.

You will also all be very proud of me when I tell you that I've officially made my first spider kill. Yep, I smashed that thing like I was the Terminator. He's just super dead... still on my wall. Of course after killing him I proceeded to stand in the middle of my room pointing at the spider, saying "Let him be an example to all of you spiders that if I see you... you will be killed. I have a no tolerance policy when it comes to climbing on my wall, my floor, my bed, my suitcases, etc." Then I realized how weird I am and thanked God for those of you that still love me.

Well, moving on, there has been so much that's happened since I last posted. I moved into my flat, I went on retreat and now I've begun lessons with Pedro and Asafe! My flatmates are wonderful! Sara is from the UK and Min Jung is from Korea. They shared their food with me my first few nights when I hadn't gotten any of my own yet and were very kind and welcoming - just another way God has continually provided.

Retreat was a great way for me to meet all the other missionaries that are stationed around Madagascar and I got to do kids' programs in the mornings, which was a blast. Also, I learned to play this crazy dominos game that seemed to take up most of the free time we had. It was also a great time to slow down a little and spend time with my Bible and God. We were at a small retreat center next to a lake, and it really reminded me of being at camp.... which was a good and a bad thing haha. I loved being away from the city and the fumes and noise, but it made me a little homesick. Waaaahhhh Trout! However, God surrounded me with some great short-term ladies that I had a blast with and helped distract me from being a sad camper. 

Today was my first day teaching Pedro and Asafe and it was suuuuuuch a blessing after a busy and pretty stressful morning. It was honestly the best therapy I think God could've given me when I was able to just sit and say "This is the letter F, it's a frog jump letter because after you draw the first line you have to make a frog jump back up to the top!" Also, just blowing bubbles in the backyard. I love working with kids because life is simple. You can find happiness in things like trying to pop as many bubbles as possible as they land on the grass.

Today, bubbles and the letter F saved my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. Did I think when I woke up this morning that these would be the things that would make my day? Nope. But God knew! And he provided them for me. He provides these "little things" every day that keep me going and help me delight in him and his creation. I hope this week he provides some little joys that you can delight in as well.

Mmmm now prayer requests :)

Prayer request 1: That God would provide safety and provision for those on the east coast of the US experiencing the hurricane. Also that the bank I use for my funds here would be able to reopen soon because it's stationed there.

Prayer request 2: Encouragement for the missionaries here in Tana, that God would continue to remind them of his greater vision for Madagascar and their part in it.

Prayer request 3: That I would continue to rely on God and trust him as my assignment continues and my weekly schedule is being planned out.

Thank you all, again, for being a part of this amazing and challenging experience, I could not do it without you!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I'M HERE I'M REALLY HERE!

Yes friends, it's really here. You are getting an update on my first day in Madagascar. Yay!

Okay, first things first, you guys must have rocked it out in prayer because God got me all the way from Atlanta to Washington to New York to Johannesburg to Antananarivo with absolutely no issues. That was a total prayer thing because some of my layovers were cutting it close, but he got me there every time with a few minutes to spare. There were some interesting moments like when I confused most of the guards at customs in Madagascar because we were just... embracing language barriers. One of my bags got lost as well, but considering everything... that's really not bad. We'll go back to the airport tomorrow and hopefully it will be there!

Also, I slept on the plane a little!! Yay!!! Thank you to those who prayed about that one :)

God just showed me on this trip, again, that when I let go and follow what he asks of me, he comes through every time. He also amazes me with his generosity, because he always gives me more than I deserve when I trust him. He allowed me to meet some really great people on my flights, which made the airport experiences much less stressful and even saved my behind a few times.

On my first flight I met a guy who is originally from Ethiopia and he helped me with my bags while I was checking in (which was super helpful because I had three bags plus a backpack and a purse and I'm not that buff...). On my final flight to Madagascar I met one guy who's been here four times doing missions work, and another one who was just visiting for a month. They helped me fill out my entry card and then one of them was missing a bag as well so we both (with the help of a random guy from London) figured out how to get the bags back.

It's just amazing to me how God provides people like this even when he doesn't need to. There's nothing that I've done in my life to deserve these kinds of gifts, but he gives them to me anyway, and it's a constant reminder to me of his great love.

He's also blessed me with an AMAZING family who picked me up at the airport and invited me into their home to spend the night before I move into my housing. They were so kind and helpful and I just felt a sense of home right away. My nubs and I bonded over crashing toy cars into things and I was able to take a shower.... thank goodness... I was a grease ball when I got done with all that flying.

All in all it was a successful trip here (even though on the 15 hour flight I went through a roller coaster of emotions... classic). I can't wait to see what else God has planned.

Okay everyone... it's about that time... for prayer requests.

Prayer Request 1: Help me to rely on God and keep an open mind as I learn and adapt to the culture and language.

Prayer Request 2: That I would rely on God to help me effectively plan for and help teach lessons to my nubs. (Pedro and Asafe)

Thank you guys, again, for your prayers. God is hearing them and he's doing amazing things!

"Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

Almost there!

Well everyone, this was going to be my farewell post before I headed out to Madagascar but it turns out God would like me to wait one more week. 

He works in mysterious ways. :) 

But it's great because I get to hang out and work with all the great AIM people that I met in orientation this week! Woo! Shout out to you Stephanie, Lisa and Ryan. That's right. You're in my blog. Be excited. 

Orientation was great, there was a ton of information that will be very helpful once I get to Africa and I got to meet a whole lot of super great people that I may never see again.
:(
Just kidding. We got each others' e-mails so we'll keep in touch. Here's a picture of all of us on the first day of training...

I'll be in Atlanta until next Wednesday and then I will hopefully fly out! It should be the same route as my previous itinerary, so I will be flying from Atlanta at 5:54AM to Washington to New York to Johannesburg to Antananarivo! Clearly I'm not lacking in layovers haha. I will be flying by myself so...

BOOM!

First Prayer Request: Please please please help me to make my flights on time and be alert and aware of what's going on around me.

The longest leg of the flying will be from New York to Johannesburg... it's 15 hours. Ooofta. I will be periodically doing laps around the airplane, possibly chatting with the flight attendants. Also (thinking ahead) I brought three books to read! So most likely I won't get bored, I'll just have trouble walking when we finally land. BLOOD CLOTS! (hopefully not)

This brings me to my...

Second Prayer Request: Please help me to get some sleep on the plane. :S (and also that I don't get blood clots... those are scary)

I should be in Antananarivo by Thursday when I'll be picked up and brought to where I'll be living. There's going to be a conference for the missionaries serving in Madagascar when I get there so that will keep me busy for awhile. I get to meet my nubs!! The little guys, Pedro and Asafe. I'm very excited about that.

Of course this is when I'll need most of your prayers! Aaah!

Third Prayer Request: That I would trust in God's plan and be able to identify lies the enemy may try to use to hinder the beginning of my ministry there.

I'm sorry... I have a lot of prayer requests. You totally do not have to do all of them, it's more of a "choose your own adventure" type of deal. I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate your prayers, they are truly what will be guiding me and helping me through this year of ministry. YOU GO PRAYER WARRIORS! Hopefully I'll have more updates once I get to Madagascar and updates on how your prayers have been answered. 

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Sure I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Stuff Stuff and more Stuff

Good morning/afternoon/evening my adventure followers!

Welcome to my second blog post of all time, which will be informing you a bit more in depth about my adventure to come. Yay! I got more information on how everything will be working as far as living arrangements and my responsibilities. Soooooo here we go...

I will be going to Antananarivo ... yep that's a mouthful, the capital of Madagascar, to help out the Petrelli family who is from Brazil. I will get to tutor and hang out with their two children: Jao Pedro (will be age 5) and Asafe (will be age 3). I cannot wait to meet them... they are my favorite ages. BAH! I will also get to hang out with Orion (will be 2) on Friday afternoons when I'll put on a short program while the kids' parents have their prayer meeting. SO ADORABLE... I haven't seen any of them yet but I know they will be adorable. BABIES! (Laysa Shreves that was a shout out to you)

I also may serve as a teaching assistant at MCA (Madagascar Christian Academy) depending on how much time I have. The Petrelli family will go on home assignment in March so I may help more fully at MCA or I may move down to Toliara to help homeschool the Schaffler family's children.

Considering the ages of these little guys I'm sure I will be laughing at least three times a day, and I'm sure I will have some great stories to share with all of you.

As far as living arrangements, I'll be living in an AIM Short Term House. I know at this point that it has four bedrooms, a metal roof, a tile floor, indoor plumbing, a shower and/or bathtub, a gas stove, electricity and water. WOOP! I'm guessing the other bedrooms will be occupied with other short term people and that I might have a roommate? I'm excited to meet them, too! Yay meeting new people and going new places. I like it.

Also.

I got two shots. They were great.

I got some Typhoid medicine. It was great.

I got my hearing tested. It was great.
Medical stuff = done!

... I'm really glad that's over... as you all know I strongly dislike going to the doctor. Now I'm just trying to get all of my support letters out to all of you wonderful people! Be on the lookout they should be coming to you soon!

I'll be sure to keep updating all of you on anything and everything that happens!

Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

First Post

Oh boy... well here I am. First blog ever.

As most of you know I created this blog to keep all of you updated on my adventures in Africa, specifically.... MADAGASCAR! Yes, it's true, I finally decided to take the assignment in Madagascar where I'll be working with a missionary family, tutoring their children in English! Hopefully I will be able to post as much as possible since I'm going to want to document every single thing that happens.

Unfortunately I don't have a whole lot of details at this point. By next week I should have much more to tell everyone! At this point I still can't believe I will be living in Madagascar for a year starting in October! It doesn't seem real. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to serve and meet the missionaries that have given their lives to spread the gospel in Madagascar.

If you had asked me last summer what I'd be doing after graduation I never would have fathomed it would be going to Africa for a year. In my mind I was going to be living in an apartment somewhere with a new puppy working in some kind of business job I hopefully got at my university's Career Fair...

Well...

either that or living in my parents' basement.

It's funny how we try to plan our lives out when they really aren't ours to plan at all. I constantly try to make my own plans and God shows me time and time again how his are always better. I'm excited to see where this trip leads me in the future. Who knows, maybe I'll stay another year and keep this blog running! All I know is I'm trying to not plan it out at this point. ;)

Anyways, I figured I'd go ahead and put a quick post on here to document my current status. :) I CANNOT WAIT to see what God has in store for the next year and am glad you'll all be along with me on this crazy journey!

And He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation."

Mark 16:15