Glimpses of God

Oh man... I waited too long to write again.

But, what's cool about this is that all of these stories will lead me to the newest thing God has taught me.

So. I'll start with my weekend in Anstirabe. I went to teach a dance conference there with Sandrina. It was an interesting start when I got lost taking the bus by myself into Tana, but luckily God sent a really nice Malagasy man who spoke English to stand with me in a really bad part of town until Sandrina could get there. The four hour bus ride to Anstirabe was also quite interesting, but was actually pretty fun! Once we were there was when that weekend turned into the best ever.

The people that I met were the most thankful and giving people I've ever been able to befriend. The family we stayed with were extremely generous, cooking spaghetti for me the first night, because they knew I was American, and then cooking me a huge Malagasy meal the next day because I'd mentioned how much I would enjoy one. They made sure we had every possible comfort and as we were trying to convey how thankful we were to them they were thanking us just for being there.

It was blowing my mind the entire time.
Here they were, giving everything they had to make us feel at home and they were thanking us.
And what had I really done? An hour or two of preparation and then a day and a half of teaching?

The people who came to the conference were just as amazing and sincere. They were so grateful even just for the few hours that we were able to have with them. Even though I couldn't say much to them because I still have a lot of Malagasy to learn, I felt so close to them it was like we had been friends for a long time. The entire weekend was FULL of joy and thankfulness. I can't explain the peace and happiness I felt being there. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything.

The next weekend. I hit a wall. I didn't have a whole lot of time to regroup and rest and, being tired, I wasn't in the thankful and giving mindset that I had been the first weekend. Although it also had its very good moments with me getting to know some of the dancers in Sandrina's dance class, it wasn't what it should have been because I wasn't fully there. It was like I was in a fog the entire time and even though I knew that I would regret it later, I didn't know how to change it. I prayed for help, but I couldn't break past how tired I was.

My prediction was correct and after the weekend was over, I knew I had wasted an opportunity to see what that God had planned for me. I struggled after this, wondering if it was because I hadn't allowed myself to rest or because I hadn't done enough to be fully present. I started feeling restless again and although I was reading my Bible and praying, I still felt far from God and far from the joy that I had felt before.

Then, one day before I left the flat I was praying and I asked again for God to help me to find joy in the things that I would encounter and do that day.
God heard my prayer that morning and he opened my eyes.

All of a sudden I could see the little gifts, the little glimpses of Him that He gave me everyday but I didn't notice before. The rustling of the wind through the trees, the laugh of a child, a smile from a stranger. And I felt that unexplainable joy again. It may seem silly, but these gifts were suddenly very clear and very special to me.

When I got home I remembered a book that I had started reading a few weeks ago but hadn't picked up in awhile. I began reading and, again, God totally blew my mind. He completely knocked my socks off. This book was all about learning to be thankful and how through thankfulness we become whole and we are saved and we see God for who He really is. We can live fully through thankfulness. We can be content. In the book, the author writes a list of gifts that God gives her everyday.

As a few more days went by I noticed more and more the things that God gave me everyday that I took for granted. A surprise morning off to get groceries, an invite to dinner when I didn't know what I was going to cook...

I decided I wanted to make my own list, and then I emailed Keagan and we both decided to email our lists to each other every day. God's showed me that through being thankful I can see Him working in my life and in others' lives. He can give me joy even in the worst of circumstances. God showed me what I was missing.

A thankful heart.

Something I had prayed for but didn't know how to achieve. This list may not be the "cure-all" for an ungrateful heart, but God's showed me that it's great practice and training for obtaining a more thankful one. So God taught another big lesson in the last month, and just in time for the new year :) If you need a resolution, this might be a good one pick up.

Prayer Requests :)

• Safe travels and a good transition for one of my roommates, Min Jung, as she moves back to Korea next week! We'll miss her.
• Safe travels for the Schaffler family, who I'll be working with in Toliar, as they come back to Madagascar after their home leave
• That God would prepare me for the transition coming up in March and for the work I'll be doing there

p.s. the book I'm reading is [One Thousand Gifts] by Ann Voskamp

speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Ephesians 5:19-21

Worlds Apart

Wow.

I think maybe I waited a little too long to blog this time. I have so much to talk about.

I think the last couple weeks I've really began to realize one of the biggest frustrations as a missionary. How do I help all the people that need it? There are so many needs and so many people who are desperately trying to stay alive. There are people here who wake up every day and have no idea where their food will come from or if they will even get any food that day. Even more people have severe medical problems that need treatment and need a hospital urgently but can't get it because they can't afford it.

There's a group of children from around where I live that sometimes walk with me to my flat and I don't know what their situation is, but one in particular never has shoes on and all of them have rags for clothes. The first time they walked all the way back with me my heart broke for them and I wanted to take them into the flat with me and tell them they could sleep on our couches. But the reality is that as an individual I could help a few of them, but I could never help all of the children here that are in need.

So how do we look at these needs everyday, these desperate people, and not feel compelled to fix it? Better question, how in the world do we fix it?

My flat mate Sara and I have been talking through this question for awhile because one of the most frustrating things we've found is feeling helpless when seeing all the immediate needs. We felt overwhelmed and confused about the best thing to do. We wondered how it could be possible that here in this country, in this world, people are dying in the streets everyday, they're sick and can't get treatment, they're hungry and can't get food and nobody knows. At the same time people in our countries are getting a Starbucks, complaining that their steak is overcooked, some people are taking a trip on their private yacht when people here would do anything for a clean glass of water or some crackers.

This, of course, surfaced a new question: How do we go back to our lives after our mission experience is over? Do we just go back to our jobs and to getting our usual Pumpkin Spice latte in the morning? (I love Pumpkin Spice lattes) Do we need to feel bad for having cars and food and laptops? Do we need to feel bad for liking our wifi and hot showers and trips to restaurants?

So, this was obviously a long conversation filled with all kinds of different ideas, but I think we finally came to a bit of a breakthrough. In reality, we live in a fallen world that will always have problems too big for us to handle. This huge issue can only be solved by God. It's too big for man and so we need to be in prayer for God's guidance and direction in these situations. One of the best things that we can offer all of these people is the love of Christ and gift that he's given. The best thing about his gift is that it's free, it's completely free and it's for anyone no matter what they've done in the past. That gift means these people putting their lives in his hands and trusting in him to provide for them and to be with them through anything. It also gives them a hope that this life is not all there is; it is not permanent. There is something much better waiting for them once this life is done and they will be the ones truly blessed there.

Not only that but the poor in our world will have a deeper and closer relationship to God than we will ever be able to. They have to completely rely on him and they are the perfect picture of his grace. Of course, I'm not saying this clears us of the responsibility to give and try to help these people. I still think it's important to help local organizations who can then help the people there. The best thing about local programs is that they know who really needs help and they often have programs that provide food and other basic resources but with the ultimate goal of teaching the people to use their skills to become self-sufficient. More about this in the book, When Helping Hurts. Check it out, it's a great read. I'm getting off track...

Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that it's easy for us to become humanistic and think that we somehow have to solve everything ourselves. Instead of becoming overwhelmed and discouraged by the amount of needs, we should be giving those problems to God and focus on sharing his love and his gift of Jesus with those people.

Phew. Hopefully you stayed with me through that whole thing. I was also going to talk about my last two weekends, which have been crazy experiences in this post, but I think it's long enough already. I'll post again maybe at the end of this week and talk about that (also add in some pictures). Here's a sneak peak:

One of these past two weekends was spent in Antsirabe teaching a dance seminar, which was a truly amazing experience and the pictures are from that. If you have Facebook you've already seen them but for those of you who aren't on the book of faces, these are for your enjoyment and hopefully I will post more later. 

We've been getting slightly better sleep so thank you for those prayers and keep 'em coming :) we really like sleep. I haven't heard about the two boys lately, but hopefully I can get an update soon and let you know. 

One prayer request for this week: Provision for the people here and opportunities for them to come to know Christ.

We urge you brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. 1 Thessalonians 5:14